Why Cry? - by Joe

Heidi, awaiting chemo at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

I remember in 2004, when Heidi was first diagnosed with Stage2 breast cancer I asked her how I could support her.  Although I don't remember the conversation exactly we had with another person, I'll never forget Heidi's response.."I don't want Joe crying or showing weakness - I need him to be strong!" 

I believe Heidi was hanging on to hope and determined to beat this monster so she wanted me to exert that same strong determination.  I tried to do it. 

The shocking return of her cancer in 2008, now Stage 4(metastatic) changed the rules.  We expected only a year together based on her oncologist's words.  My tears became not a symbol of despair but of caring, support.  I can't remember how many times we collapsed in each others' arms, stunned that she had fallen into the 15% treatment failure statistic. 

And when I got cancer 3 months later I encouraged her tears, & more falling in each others' arms.  When Heidi is asleep from side effects, there are 3 mighty cedar trees on our property that welcome me to curl up against their roots, pouring my heart out to God how badly it hurts to see this vibrant woman I cherish facing death from within her own beautiful body.

Whether cancer tears are from fear, from grief, from releasing future dreams/hopes.. if you hold them in they become another type of cancer, eating away at your soul.  If you have cancer or have a loved one with cancer, please fight despair but welcome tears.

As always, your support for us is a priceless gift!

- Joe